Show Me Da Money

Okay, so I’ve been getting emails from some new readers who have been delving into my archives and reading the Nigerian Scams. After reading a story about a woman scammed out of $52,000 (the loser), I decided I wanted to do another one. Eventually, someone that would have been a victim will read these and get the idea before hand. Here’s one I got today:

DearSir,

I’m happy to inform you about my success in getting those fund stransferred under the cooperation of a new partner from Japan. Presently, I’m in Japan for investment projects with my own share of the totalsum.

Meanwhile,I didn’t forget your past efforts and attempts to assist me in transferring those funds despite that it failed us somehow as our efforts,understanding,witts and coorperation was not compatible and solid enough and hence the chances
elude you but not totality. Now,you should contact my Secretary,his name is Paul Nnadili and his email address is [email deleted] ask him to send you thetotal $850,000.00 which I reserved for your compensation for all the past efforts and
attempts to assist me in this matter I appreciated your efforts at that time very much. So feel free and get in > touch with my Secretary paul Nnadili, and instruct him where to send the draft to you.The money is already on draft and it was prepared on your name as acompensation for your past efforts.

Please do let me know immediately once you receive it so that we can share the joy of success,though half bread they say is better than none.In mean time, Iam very busy here because of the investments which my partner and I are having at hand.

Finally, remember that I had forwarded instruction to my Secretary on your behalf to receive that money, so feel free toget in touch with him, he will send the draft to you without any delay.

with best regards,
Joe Bliss.

Okay, I should warn my audience. It’s late and I have a huge headache, so I’m not thinking too clearly. My response…well, read it yourself:

Paul Nan..non…nunu…never mind,

First of all you should really consider changing your last name. If I can’t pronounce it, I don’t expect many other people could either. How many customers do you think you’ve lost because they can’t say your name? Probably a lot. Can you imagine what the people at Wal-mart would say if you needed an Express Lube:

“Mr. Paul Nono..nano…dunno…daffodil…nanotechnology…Look, if you’re name is Paul and your car was scheduled to be done about now please come get it so I don’t have to attempt your last name again!!”

Anyway, Joe Bliss (I bet he’s a happy guy) gave me your address and told me you had my dough. So, cough it up. I haven’t got much time. I’m scheduled for a species-change operation next month and need the money pronto, bro. I’m tired of being ignored by hot chicks because I’ve got Herpes lesions all over my face and my middle finger is permanently extended from an accident I had while milking a bull (long story).

I’ve decided to become a llama. Don’t laugh. Did you know that llamas have an active sex life when are only 3 years old? There have been reports of males as young as 6 months of age causing pregnancy. I’ve been missing out all these years. Properly fed and well-grown females may be bred at 12 to 13 months of age. Llamas are copulation-induced ovulators. This means that mature nonpregnant females should mate in the presence of a sexually mature male and will ovulate within 36 hours of mating. It also means that my girlfriend llama or wife llama won’t tell me she has a headache then get knocked up through artificial insimenation because they don’t have regular heat cycles. I don’t even think they have headaches to be honest with you. In Peru, under pasture mating conditions, mature males are stocked at 3 percent of herd size. Can you imagine all those hunnies without the competition. It’s me or the fencepost, baby.

Anyway, I digress. The way I see it, I’m owed $850,000. But, I’ll make you a deal. You send it Western Union or direct deposit and I’ll give you $100,000 of that for hooking me up. I won’t tell Mr. Bliss. What a stupid name anyway. What’s he got to be so happy about? You should change your name to Gay, another word for happy.

Anxiously awaiting word,

David Sneakers
Future Llama

P.S. What’s Joe doing in Japan anyway? Is he dodging the draft again?

And there you have my latest in a series of Nigerian Scammer Counter Scams. Let’s see how desperate this guy is to defraud me. For those of you new to the site, I do these to break the monotony and try to keep some wits about me. These posts are meant purely as an educational tool. For the record, I don’t advocate any operation in which you may become a llama. They have bad breath perpetually.

9 Comments on “Show Me Da Money

  1. FULL TILT IS A SCAM SITE. DO NOT PLAY HERE
    fucking scam playing full tilt online poker. pre-determined flops that run according to how people bet. the card turns are anything but natural. the government oughta shut these fucking slimeballs down for false advertising.

  2. Hilary,
    Thanks for the laugh. Whew! That was sure a baaad dream! I would go Amish but I’m like you, I couldn’t live without all these gadgets and most of all electricity! 🙂

  3. I have some what of a hard last name…it really isn’t, but some THINK it is! I won’t tell you the nationality of it since I may get “yelled” at although my father-in-law was adopted and is not the nationality it is! LOL!

    Anyway, I had a funny dream the other night and then read this and laughed. I dreamed that I went to lunch with my son’s teacher. Her lunch was $8. I go to pay for mine and the person tells me I owe $200. I about died and said I didn’t eat that much! I asked to see the bill and $190 of it was charged to me because they couldn’t pronounce my last name! I remember waking up in relief that it was a dream!

    Wouldn’t that be horrible if companies added money to things because they couldn’t pronounce your last name?! Or even first names at that! Oiy! I would NEVER buy anything but change my religion and lifestyle to Amish and make everything with my own hands. Now those people are swimming in money although they seem like they aren’t! Anyone wanna go Amish with me?! Be sure to leave the blow dryers at home though!

    Maybe it would be easier to just change my name to Smith or Jones than becoming Amish. I don’t think I could give up my computer, my car, my microwave, my blow dryer…

  4. I think the correct pronunciation of his name is “butt-cheese”. Wal-Mart Express Lube: “Mr. Butt-cheese, your car is ready to be picked up.”

  5. CJ,
    You are soooo funny! You could write a book with that imagination!!

    I really didn’t think of anyone falling for these scams but I guess they do! 🙁

  6. Gotta love Mr Sneakers and his llama fetish! 😉 I can always count on a good laugh, anytime you post one of these! Keep ’em coming!

  7. Aw schucks! Let’s have some fun! I love it!
    dusgalan of mt.

  8. I know who they are. As a matter of fact, this one is named Paul Nndilio…nano…nunidilio…well, you get the picture.

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