Updated on July 14, 2011
Show Me Da Money
Okay, so I’ve been getting emails from some new readers who have been delving into my archives and reading the Nigerian Scams. After reading a story about a woman scammed out of $52,000 (the loser), I decided I wanted to do another one. Eventually, someone that would have been a victim will read these and get the idea before hand. Here’s one I got today:
I’m happy to inform you about my success in getting those fund stransferred under the cooperation of a new partner from Japan. Presently, I’m in Japan for investment projects with my own share of the totalsum.
Meanwhile,I didn’t forget your past efforts and attempts to assist me in transferring those funds despite that it failed us somehow as our efforts,understanding,witts and coorperation was not compatible and solid enough and hence the chances
elude you but not totality. Now,you should contact my Secretary,his name is Paul Nnadili and his email address is [email deleted] ask him to send you thetotal $850,000.00 which I reserved for your compensation for all the past efforts and
attempts to assist me in this matter I appreciated your efforts at that time very much. So feel free and get in > touch with my Secretary paul Nnadili, and instruct him where to send the draft to you.The money is already on draft and it was prepared on your name as acompensation for your past efforts.
Please do let me know immediately once you receive it so that we can share the joy of success,though half bread they say is better than none.In mean time, Iam very busy here because of the investments which my partner and I are having at hand.
Finally, remember that I had forwarded instruction to my Secretary on your behalf to receive that money, so feel free toget in touch with him, he will send the draft to you without any delay.
with best regards,
Okay, I should warn my audience. It’s late and I have a huge headache, so I’m not thinking too clearly. My response…well, read it yourself:
Paul Nan..non…nunu…never mind,
First of all you should really consider changing your last name. If I can’t pronounce it, I don’t expect many other people could either. How many customers do you think you’ve lost because they can’t say your name? Probably a lot. Can you imagine what the people at Wal-mart would say if you needed an Express Lube:
“Mr. Paul Nono..nano…dunno…daffodil…nanotechnology…Look, if you’re name is Paul and your car was scheduled to be done about now please come get it so I don’t have to attempt your last name again!!”
Anyway, Joe Bliss (I bet he’s a happy guy) gave me your address and told me you had my dough. So, cough it up. I haven’t got much time. I’m scheduled for a species-change operation next month and need the money pronto, bro. I’m tired of being ignored by hot chicks because I’ve got Herpes lesions all over my face and my middle finger is permanently extended from an accident I had while milking a bull (long story).
I’ve decided to become a llama. Don’t laugh. Did you know that llamas have an active sex life when are only 3 years old? There have been reports of males as young as 6 months of age causing pregnancy. I’ve been missing out all these years. Properly fed and well-grown females may be bred at 12 to 13 months of age. Llamas are copulation-induced ovulators. This means that mature nonpregnant females should mate in the presence of a sexually mature male and will ovulate within 36 hours of mating. It also means that my girlfriend llama or wife llama won’t tell me she has a headache then get knocked up through artificial insimenation because they don’t have regular heat cycles. I don’t even think they have headaches to be honest with you. In Peru, under pasture mating conditions, mature males are stocked at 3 percent of herd size. Can you imagine all those hunnies without the competition. It’s me or the fencepost, baby.
Anyway, I digress. The way I see it, I’m owed $850,000. But, I’ll make you a deal. You send it Western Union or direct deposit and I’ll give you $100,000 of that for hooking me up. I won’t tell Mr. Bliss. What a stupid name anyway. What’s he got to be so happy about? You should change your name to Gay, another word for happy.
Anxiously awaiting word,
P.S. What’s Joe doing in Japan anyway? Is he dodging the draft again?
And there you have my latest in a series of Nigerian Scammer Counter Scams. Let’s see how desperate this guy is to defraud me. For those of you new to the site, I do these to break the monotony and try to keep some wits about me. These posts are meant purely as an educational tool. For the record, I don’t advocate any operation in which you may become a llama. They have bad breath perpetually.