It’s That Time Again (A Nigerian Scam)

The last one of these I did was in February. For those of you who are unaccustomed to my strange ways, I frequently get these Nigerian scams emailed to me. I’m sure you’ve seen them, offers of millions of dollars in exchange for helping some poor soul who died get the money out of the country. All you have to do is set up a bank account, or pay a small courier fee, or send your account information, or cash a “harmless” overwritten cashier’s check.

Not everyone understands that these things are scams. Consider these recent stories:
From Seattle, to Houston, to Pittsburgh these things are still suckering people, mostly elderly and young. So, I like to screw with these people. By making them think I’m interested in their ploys, I’m effectively taking them out of the game against someone who would actually fall for such absurdity. And I have fun doing it…

Here’s today “victim” of my insanity who claims to be a fellow soldier:

Hello Friend,
I hope my email meets you well. How are you and your entire family doing? I hope you all are kicking fine the bossom of the Almighty. I am very sorry to bother you/intrude your privacy. Please I am seriously in need of your assistance. My name is Sgt Jarvis M. Reeves, Jr. I am in the Engineering military unit here in Ba’qubah in Iraq. Due to the on going crisis over here in Iraq, we have about $25 Million US dollars that we want to move out of the country to invest in your country.

My partners and I need a good partner someone we can trust. It is oil money and legal. But we are moving it through diplomatic means, to send it to your house directly or a bank of your choice using diplomatic
courier service. The most important thing is that can we trust you? Once the funds get to you, you take your 50% out and keep our own 50%. Your own part of this deal is to find a safe place where the funds can be sent to. Our own part is sending it to you.If you are interested i will furnish you with more details.

But the whole process is simple and we must keep a low profile at all times.

Waiting for your urgent response. You can contact me via my private email address [email deleted]. Awaiting your anticipated co-operation.

Best Regards,

Sgt Jarvis Reeves

And now, my response:

SGT Jarvis,

It’s so good to hear from you, Sergeant. I was reading some news reports from Ba’qubah, Iraq the other day and saw a story about a SGT Reeves who had been gravely injured in a vehicle collision with a camel. Turns out that the camel’s rider was a pediatric nurse and saved his life by stitching up the wounds with the camel’s (bloody) tail hair. Was that you they were talking about? That would really suck to have over $25 million and then die before being able to spend it. I’ve been really worried about you and I’m glad to hear you are okay.

But, have no fear my friend. You’ve come to the right person. I’m a huge supporter of the war in Iraq and I thank you for your service, even if you’re missing your right arm and left big toe from the accident. By the way, did you know that they can recreate your big toe using nano-technology taken from aborted fetuses in pigs? True.

Please tell me how I can help you. I don’t know much about diplomatic anything, but I’ll do what I can. I can’t even drive an automatic (similar to diplomatic) car. People do tell me I’m sort of spasmatic, which means I can help you. I anxiously await your reply. There is so much I can do with a few million dollars. And because you are such a brave and noble soldier who lost his arm and toe fighting a righteous cause, I only require 45% of the take. You can use the extra 5% to buy an arm from another person who isn’t using theirs. Just make sure you don’t end up with two right arms. People might laugh at you.

And have no fear about keeping a low profile. I used to be a boy scout.

Your [New] Friend,

David Sneakers

You can read more Nigerian Scammer posts HERE. And I just realized that I let the whole “kicking fine the bossom of the Almighty” comment slide without so much as a comment. Man, I’m slippin’.

29 Comments on “It’s That Time Again (A Nigerian Scam)

  1. 72. I have recently started a web site, the info you provide on this web site has helped me greatly. Thanks for all of your time & work.

  2. this is a real scammer.
    i got once money from UK named George f. roussos. one day, he sent through Air World Express. suddenly there was transit in KL. then, the customs there asked money to release the package. how terrrible I was. I sent money for about thousands Ringgits. but the package wasnt in my hand.
    one day, george came over to KL. he cared everything there. suddenly, the officer told me that the company will refresh the package into money then transfer by western union. oh…my god. i waited for 3 days but no response from them.
    then, i contact my friend in Glasgow-UK, he asked his uncle to release it at the custom. real, the package actually still at the airport. then, on 21st august 2010, the diplomatic courrier arrived in jakarta and asked money 1000 USD. how could i get the money in short time?. and i never sent him money, and he always angry and angry to me on phone. so, the diplomatic courrier also is not good courrier.
    and now, my friend got a plastic surgery in UK cos of accident. then, i dont know about the courrier again. i dont care about it.

  3. its called so called phoning suppose to be able once monnies are sent these army seargent will be able to call you and use the internet

  4. this is to alert ppl to the scam ming of army2teltex using the names of seargents chadric and seargent jenn smith beware of this whoever is possing as these army seragents are trying to encourage ppl to semd 445.00 to western union in nigeria ,kanas city and calafornia

  5. I do not have a scanner so i will have to wait to send you the id picture or anything but i will send you my OUVIOUS contact info. it is very easy to remeber, It should be clear that my name is Dumb A**, and i live at 666, could nine, on retard dr my personal phone number is 555 666 7890

  6. hello,

    I received this email as well. a few days ago, he even sent me a pic of solders with lots of money and cases, I have been playing with him every since, we have exchanged 5 emails now. they are quiet humerous. As well as this, i have had the man running back and forth to western union three times now. LOL. oh im osrry i used my cell number as the pick up number, forgot the number is blah blah blah haha this is fun

  7. I got one of those with pictures of soldiers standing around bales of money. I guess they thought that would convince me to help them. Of course, they always ask for money for delivery charges and insurance. If they had 20 million dollars they would not need me to send them a dime. I love playing with these idiots

  8. Oh man oh man! What a great response! I loved it! Another one I actually got involved with was a “british” one about a year ago when I knew nothing of these scams and I tell you what, these people are relentless! Obviously if it’s too good to be true…it probably is.

    I actually received $5000 in the mail of American Express Gift Cheques, we called American Express and read off the numbers and all of them were reported as stolen, which is actually pretty freaky! I also received 2 checks that I submitted to our local police department along with all the emails that I had received from a guy named Mike Bakare. I even had him on my instant messenger and he just lied his butt off to me constantly. I just kept asking him for information and had them sent these checks to my friend’s PO Box, I wish I had kept a copy of the check because they looked like something a kid in elementary school could have printed out, it was absolutely ridiculous!

    Finally, I just got tired of this guy trying to contact me and all the emails that I received, so I told him that I cashed all his checks and was in the process of leaving the country to hide from the law and sorry i couldn’t send him all the money that he’d sent me! hehehe He never sent me another email again…I did put down his IP address and found his alia on FBI’s most wanted list for..can you guess?? yea..check fraud..go figure..

  9. the scams received all over the world on soldiers makes not everybody laugh.

  10. I GET 3-4 OF THESE EVERYDAY,IT’S AMAZING HOW COME THEY NEVER GIVE UP. I LIKE TO MAKE THEM REALLY BELEIVE THAT I AM INTERESTED, AND WHEN IT COMES TO THE PART WHERE THEY NEED MY ACCOUNT NUMBER AND COPY OF MY PASSPORT OR I.D., I ATTACH THE PICTURE IN EMAIL OF MY OWN POOP IN THE TOILET. IT’S MY OWN, BUT IT’S REALLY DISGUSTING WHEN YOU SEE IT ON THE SCREEN RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE. THEY NEVER RESPOND AFTER THAT, AND I SEND THEM FINAL E-MAIL SAYING, “DUMBASS” “BUSTED”.

  11. *apologies for the melon-head blog URL*

    huh huh … I just got this one in my mail and /had to/ check it out.

    Dang, what a way to spread infection, stitch someone up with camel hair, yoiks! Quite the mind you got in you haaaaaahaha!

    stay well
    ^5

  12. Looking for any information on scams involving a pete desmond

  13. I also having been communicating with Sgt Reeves For the past month. He has not asked for any personal information yet and I have been able to get quite a bit of inforamtion from him all fake of course. I am waiting for one of two things to happen. One Sgt Reeves or someone asking me for money to complete the shipment or two the arrival of a bunch of counterfeit bills!

  14. I was just reading today about somebody falling for one of these and I was amazed. Massena, New York:

    A Massena man tried to pass off crude forgeries of $100 bills after receiving the counterfeits from Nigeria, according to Massena Village Police. Police Chief Tim Currier told NewsWatch50 that Michael Champion, 35, had been corresponding via email with his contacts in Nigeria. He and his Nigerian contact struck a deal in which Champion would be sent $700 to buy the Nigerian a laptop computer, Currier said. The Chief said it isn’t clear whether Champion knew the bills he would receive were counterfeit. The forgeries were easily spotted by tellers at North Country Savings Bank when Champion attempted a deposit. Champion was then charged with 7 counts of Criminal Possession of a Forged Instrument. The contact in Nigeria did not get the laptop, Currier said. The Chief chuckled at the absurdity of anyone falling for well-known Nigerian email scams.

  15. That was a good one. I’ve been waiting for you to post another. I’m a bit upset, I’ve been receiving a crap load of Nigerian scam emails lately. I just am not creative enough to respond in such a manner.

  16. I was wondering if David Sneakers loves to watch Jimmy Neutron. My kids were watching it the other day and Jimmy’s buddy (Carl I think) has an obsession with llamas. In fact, he was day dreaming about them in one episode! I thought of Cj…er…I mean David Sneakers!!

  17. David,David,David,,,you also left out something(anything) about your favorite creatures,,,llamas 🙂 Welcome back!

  18. I read that and thought, “Oh man what is he going to say about the ‘kicking fine the bossom of the Almighty’.” You are slipping for letting that one go!! Funny stuff! Thanks for the laugh!

    ~Hilary

  19. LOL. You READ my mind! How you left out the ‘kicking fine’ thing is a mystery -but fixable, just work something about it into your next response. That’s too ripe a line to just let lie there, untouched.
    Particularly impressed with your knowledge of ‘nano-technology’ CJ – the things you Sgts. have to know – jeepers!

    Good thing you’re spasmatic, as you say, sounds like… er… sgt jarvis deserves all the ‘help’ he can get!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.