Recently, a friend shared a Facebook profile with me of a guy claiming to be an Army Sergeant First Class. Right away, looking at his profile I could tell we were dealing with a first-class douche nozzle.
The 19th Infantry Division of the Army hasn’t been active since 1944. So there is no 2nd Battalion and no 19th Infantry Division. He also shows that he graduated from Grafton High School in Grafton, Wisconsin, in 2011…A LITTLE MORE THAN A YEAR AGO. Ok, I know that in a year it’s possible he joined the Army. So, let’s look at his Army picture real quick and take a look at this patriotic American high school graduate.
WTH?!?! I got promoted pretty quick to Sergeant First Class, the rank this tool is wearing here. It took me about seven years to get and I was cruising! This guy somehow made it in a year!! That’s one hard charger. Surely, with that kind of dynamite promotion time he must have accomplished something big. I’ll ignore the fact that this guy is unshaven wearing his uniform, has no rank on his hat, is wearing an Air Force combat patch, has a flag patch on his left sleeve, has a gray t-shirt on under his uniform, haircut isn’t within regs, and generally looks like a tool.
Let’s see how he did it according to one of his photos.
Dayum! That looks like one hell of a resume. But, it leaves more questions than answers. Again, what’s with the Air Force patch? That flag patch isn’t worn on any Army uniform I’m aware of. I have seen a version of it on some SF civilian headgear, but never on a uniform. The only ribbons I recognize here worn by Army troops is the Iraq Campaign Medal, Afghanistan Campaign Medal, National Defense Service Medal, and the Global War on Terrorism Service Medal. The rest of the medals looked familiar, but I couldn’t place them.
Then, I ran under my bed and found my Army JROTC medals from high school that I still have. Voila! Eureka! Okay, at least the top one in the middle made sense to me. I was the captain of our Honor Guard during my senior year and got that ribbon for being on the team…in high school. But, again, what about the rest?
Well, then I noticed that the bottom right ribbon with four oak leaf clusters means this guy is a certified badass! He has earned a total of FIVE Air Medals. These are awarded to those who have distinguished themselves “by meritorious achievement while participating in aerial flight.” I almost missed it because it was so low on the totem pole.
In the Air Force list of accomplishments, he’s got the Air Force Good Conduct ribbon thrown in there. The rest are anyone’s guess. I have no idea where they came from. I scoured JROTC, ROTC, and every service’s (including the Coast Guard, Merchant Marines, and Public Health Service) ribbons and couldn’t find them. I’m sure they are there and I was just going cross-eyed.
Either way, this guy didn’t even try to make it look good. I could be making something out of nothing. Maybe he wears this getup when he’s playing Call of Duty with his friends to get into character and didn’t intend for his poses to get leaked out. Perhaps, he’s on a super secret paramilitary team no one knows about and those awards are all classified. I’m sure one of them is the Bin Laden Burial at Sea Medal.
I’m more convinced that Mr. Josh Kueffler, high school graduate (suspect), is just a liar and braggart pretending to be something he isn’t. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure there are real Soldiers who still take pictures of themselves in the bathroom mirror and use it for a profile picture on Facebook. I just don’t have them on my friends list.