When Pounds Are Good

Hi folks. I just returned from a long vacation with Larry, my llama lover, and feel quite relaxed. How lucky is Lorenzo that he has a bunch of llamas?! Anyway, I’ve made a new friend and started another business opportunity and wanted you to read about it.

From : Mr Strasford Bexters ,
Auditor : Alpha Bank Uk ,
London – UK .

Attention : Sir ,
This letter might surprise you , because we have never met either in person nor by correspondence. But I believe it is one day that you got to know someone either physical or through correspondence. Please accept my sincere apologises if my email does not meet your business or personal ethics. I will first introduce myself as Mr Strasford Bexters, an auditor with a bank in United Kingdom . One of our accounts, with holding balance of 15,000 000.00 GBP(Fifteen Million Great Britain Pounds Sterling) has been dormant, and last operated many years ago. Nobody has done anything as regards to the claiming of this money, because the account owner ,has no family member or friends that has any knowledge , as to the existence of either the account or the funds; I have decided to find a reliable foreign partner to deal with. It may interest you to hear that I am a man of PEACE and don’t want problem, I only hope we can assist each other. If you don’t want this
business offer , kindly forget it as I will not contact you again .My proposition to you, is to seek your consent to present you as the Next of kin and beneficiary of this late client, that the proceeds of this account valued a huge sum shall be paid to you, and then we can share the amount on a mutually agreed percentage .

This transaction is totally free of risk and troubles , as the fund is legitimate and does not originate from drug, money laundery, terrorism or any other illegal act. The funds will be released to you after necessary processes have been followed. As an officer of the bank I can not be directly connected to this money, so this informed my contacting you for us to work so that you can assist receive this money into your bank account for us to SHARE the proceeds,40 % for you . I would have gone ahead to ask the funds be released to me, but that would have drawn a straight line to me and my involvement in claiming the deposit. I assure you that I could have the deposit released to you within few days. There is a reward for this project and it is a task well worth undertaking. I have evaluated the risks and the only risk I have here is from you refusing to work with me. I am the only one who knows of this situation . Alternatively,you can write me back with
my private email address (
email deleted for my pleasure). As soon as I receive your response I will details you on how we can achieve it successfully .
Mr Strasford Bexters .

You know me, I’m not one to pass up a good business deal. Besides that’s a lot of money I can use to buy first rate alfalfa for Larry. Here’s my reply, to “Strasbex”.

Dear Strasford,

Can I call you Strasbex? Get it? The first parts of both your names. I’m all about efficiency as are you obviously. I had to look up the word “ethics” before I responded, but couldn’t find it any dictionary I own. So, I decided to just take a leap of faith and tried that Crystal Pepsi I’ve been holding in my basement for ten years. Not bad.

So, Strasbex, I have no idea who this Sterling dude is, but if he weighs 15,000,000 British pounds, that’s one big dude. Unless the gravity in Great Britain is different than here in the states. Granted, there ARE a lot of people around who seem to be light in their loafers, so you may not be that far off. Word on the street is that our new President, umm…never, mind I forget his name. Anyway, he is going to upgrade our military’s combat boots to light loafers when he takes over soon.

Anyway, about your offer. I was a little apprehensive at first until I read that you are a man of PEACE. I, too, am a huge believer that Positive Energy Always Corrects Errors. All too often we dwell on our mistakes and end up just making more and more. The next thing you know a simple broken pencil leads to a noose in your attic with 15,000,000 British pounds dangling from it while a llama nibbles on your toes and all you had to do was take the initiative and sharpen the darn thing.

So, as I was saying. I’d like to know more about this. It seems from your letter here that I am going to have a large role to play in this whole transaction. If that is the case, I think I deserve a larger cut of whatever money comes out of this. I’m thinking at least 60%, but I won’t accept any less than half. That would mean I take home at least 7,500,000 for myself. But, with our new President’s promised tax increases, you have to allow me to have at least 14,648,913 so I can afford to pay them. If this isn’t amenable to you, I’m surely willing to work out a deal. I’ve been a fan of Howie Mandel for the past three years and know how this works.

Get me some more information and we’ll see what comes of this. Take care my friend. I look forward to hearing more about this.

DAVID SNEAKERS, ESQ

For those that are new to these, these emails are scams and you should leave the communication with the originators to highly skilled and competent people like myself – or Alex P. Keaton. He’s also good with money.

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